The Verge of Giving Up

Hi friends, hope we’re all keeping well.

For some people who for some reason keep up with my blog, you may have noticed an alarming reduction in post frequency.
To be completely blunt, I’m not happy with it either. The golden pillar and golden rule of blogging is frequency and consistency, and I’ve been failing quite miserably at both lately.

A new, special set of exams have recently popped up in my life, and is the main source of my current stress and disorganisation. I’ll talk about them in more detail when they’re over next year, but right now all I’ll say is I am going to try do my best with them.

In all honesty, this has been affecting a good deal of many different parts of my life recently. This is also probably the first time that I’ve genuinely been feeling constantly overwhelmed, and am frequently falling behind.

Naturally, this has been causing a spillover effect in other areas too. I don’t hang out and socialise with friends as much as I used to. I’ve taken a backseat on many of my hobbies like chess and language learning, and as a direct result my skills in each have deteriorated by a noticeable amount; causing a spiralling effect of some more despair and stress🫠 In an effort to keep up with my college resolutions I signed up to a slightly overwhelming amount of college societies and programs, which are all exciting, fun and interesting in their own right and which I definitely will talk about more in the future, but they have definitely been biting away large chunks of my time and responsibilities too. Granted, that con is on me for my terrible time management.

And even focussing on these special set of exams which I’m sacrificing so much for, the terrifyingly real idea of nothing I’m doing right now is still enough to successfully conquer them, constantly looms in the back of my mind.

So, what’s the point in me unloading all of this?

Truth be told guys, as I am writing this all down for the first time and realising what I’m up against, this is actually…

Kind of fun. Okay, maybe not ‘fun’ fun, but definitely the ‘interesting’ type of fun.

As I’ve said before, this is one of the first times in my life I’ve been feeling so constantly overwhelmed and stacked with responsibilities. Never before has the verge of giving up seemed so close.

But man, it is only when the odds seem so bad, does the challenge become the most exciting. Am I making any sense??? Maybe I might be going insane, but the unrelenting amount of different work that needs to or should be getting done, that constantly plagues my Todoist dashboard, really motivates me to continue pushing harder.
And I am definitely feeling the pressure too. Everything is on the verge of falling over and crashing. But I also see this moment as a test of perseverance and will.

And while I certainly acknowledge that my problems will pale in comparison to many other peoples’, I always remember the quote:

You drown in a pool the same way you drown in an ocean.
-Some person I don’t remember

Everyone’s problems matter, but it’s about how we pick ourselves back up and move on that really define those hard moments, I feel. There’s so much going on right now, and so little time to fully do everything, but I suppose that’s life🤷🏻‍♂️

In all seriousness, I do have a truckload of ideas stored in the back of my mind, that will be written on the blog soon enough. Thanks to everyone who actually followed this random website that’s just full of a random 19 year old teenager’ ramblings and messy ideas.

I’ll finish the post off with one my favourite (and possibly more cringy) quotes: